Love... sweet love.

Copied and pasted from Randy's Facebook page dated May 8, 2012:

Yesterday, Michelle and I pick up Abby and Ryan from school- I'm taking Ryan with me and Michelle is taking Abby to the doctor's for her Scarlet Fever Rash (not kidding). To make a long story short, this is how the conversation went when Abby got back in the truck with Ryan and me after being away for about 30 minutes: 

Daddy: Abby, were you crying?
Abby: Yeah
Daddy: How come, sweetpea?
Abby: I'm sad.
Daddy: Sad about what, baby?
Abby: I missed my Ryan.
Ryan: I'm here, Abby.
Abby: 'kay
Ryan: Abby, I'm here. 

Life's Most Precious Moments... I pray they never lose that bond between them.

Overdue Post

I simply can't believe it's been over two months since I last posted. Holy cow.

It's been a very busy couple of months. We moved. The new house is lovely, complete with wall to wall carpet. This is kinda a big deal since our last house was wood floors. The kids love to sit on the carpet and enjoy their toys on the floor now. It makes a world of difference.

We are potty training these days. Abby isn't quite ready. Ryan has #1 down pat but #2 hasn't happened yet. I think he prefers standing when pooping and the toilet doesn't offer that amenity. Funny story though - a few mornings ago, I took him to the potty and his little boyhood was kinda stuck to the side. Since Ryan hasn't figured out how to aim with his hands, he just thrusted his hips forward and his urine went to the left and on the floor instead of the toilet. I couldn't control my laughter.

School is going well. Nothing new to report there. Just looking forward to a nice long, hot summer with pool parties, family visits and birthdays around the corner! Abby and Ryan celebrate their 3rd year on July 16th and Chloe turns 10 on August 17th.

Here are some recent pictures and videos from the last couple of months. I'll try to post more frequently. I promise to try. :)

Easter Baskets

Happy Time with Uncle Jim

Dinner with Daddy (Mommy, Uncle Jim and Grandma present but not pictured)

Video of Abby and Uncle Jim playtime

Being sassy with Adrienne

Silouhettes of the kids - Abby, Chloe and Ryan (l to r)

Video of Ryan playing with Adrienne

Character Test - I failed.

Last night I was at my wits-end. Worked all day (starting at 5am), under slept, sick kids, stress. Lots and lots of stress. The move is under way, and Chad has been working on the kitchen. We managed to get 90% of the kitchen and about the same amount of the garage moved over and UNPACKED at the new place.

You'd think I'd be happy but I broke.

The kids, recovering from illness and having lots of energy, were not listening. They weren't following my requests. They weren't being any worse than any terrible two kid would act but I lost it. I yelled - a very mean, very loud yell. I used curse words. I threatened to spank. I'm not going to type what I said. I've committed to never say it again. Even in the context of blogging about it.

This is a level of mean I've never been to my kids. They didn't deserve it. No kid deserves it. They were put in bed and I left their room and cried. Cried from guilt. Cried from shame. Cried for my babies because they had to experience the kind of parenting I'd never want them to experience. It wasn't just a mistake; it was a massive mistake. One I'm not yet ready to forgive myself for.

Abby needed a diaper change after they were sent to bed. I went in. Changed her diaper. Hugged her tight and apologized and asked for forgiveness. By this time, Ryan had gotten out of bed. He wanted a turn for his hug and kiss. I gave it to him, apologized and asked for forgiveness and his response was "I'm sorry.". I think he was just repeating my words but the thought that he may have apologized for being two and behaving at his age-level just rips me up.

The last several weeks I've been ugly on the inside. I think it's time for a make over because right now, I'm fucking wrecked.

It's been too long...

Since I last posted. Christmas was wonderful and the new year is bringing us lots of anticipated changes and growth.

Much of my learning curve is surrounded around two things: 1. having kids in their terrible 2's and 2. gender.

I grew up in a household of women. Being in the middle, I learned by witnessing my older sister's experiences and served as the sample for my younger sister. There are certain things that each gender experiences a bit differently. This is where my post becomes personal but you're all family.

Right now, Abby is obsessed with boobies. If her shirt is off, she covers her boobies with her hands. She's fascinated with my breasts and wants to constantly examine them. I explain appropriate behaviors and move on. I don't want her thinking it's bad.

Ryan, on the other hand, is predictably obsessed with his penis. This morning, I was changing Ryan's diaper and the following exchange took place.

Me: *removes diaper, notice he has an erection*
Ryan: "Mommy, my pee pee hurts."
Me: *getting new diaper under him* "It's okay, baby. It'll stop once your new diaper is on."
Ryan: *looks down, grabs his penis, looks at me curiously* "Mom? What happened?"

I laughed and we got the new diaper on. The "hurting" stopped.

So we are learning our body parts and what is appropriate and not appropriate in terms of how and when we explore our bodies.

Terrible 2's are ... well ... terrible. They are ill tempered but I'm hoping some of that is related to Ryan's ears being bad. We are waiting for the Surgery Department to call us and make an appointment to get his tubes in his ears. This should help him sleep better, relax his chronic cough, and put him out of his general misery in relationship to his ears. More importantly, he will gain function in his right ear and the left ear will be more clear.

Will do a photo post next time. I still owe everyone a video from the Christmas Program. I'm a busy Mommy these days. I'll do it when I can. :)

First Beach Trip

Sarah and her family were in town over the last weekend. It's so nice to see my best friend. I miss her so much. She was staying at her Grandmother's house in Carlsbad (one block from the ocean). So we walked, our two families, down to the beach.

It was met with unsure faces but neither wanted to leave when all was said and done. Below is a picture of me and the kids as well as one of Ryan's dirty feet. Probably one of my most favorite pictures to date.

My family. <3

Ryan's tootsies.

Christmas Pictures Have Arrived!

Our three gorgeous children have had their time with Santa. Here is the outcome:

Chloe, looking happy! (Thank you, Shelby, for sending this!)

Abby, looking freaked out.
Ryan, looking perplexed.

The Christmas program for the twins went better than expected. While Abby was scared pre-show, once she got up there, she was fine! I'm going to load the video as soon as I run to Best Buy to get a USB cord that I cannot seem to locate for the camera. :)

Check back soon for Christmas video fun!

I saw it coming...

Ryan has had chronic ear infections for over a year now. I don't take him in every time - just the times when it is bad enough that Tylenol doesn't relieve the pain. In the last several months, he's also had a chronic cough that the doctors just can't get rid of.

A few weeks ago, both kids were put on the strongest oral antibiotic that can be given to them. It caused them so much tummy trouble but we were hoping to finally kick the ear infection. The result?

Abby - has a new ear infection.
Ryan - no infection but tons of fluid in the ear, blocking his ability to hear almost completely in one ear.

The solution?

Abby has to go through a series of injectable antibiotics. The shot hurts so much that she has to be restrained AND I was told by the doctor that even adults cry during this shot because it burns so much. She had one today. Will get another tomorrow and the third on Sunday. That will hopefully kick the infection for good.

Ryan, on the other hand, is a whole other problem. Since his ears won't drain properly, he's going to have to get tubes. I wanted this solution because I'm tired of pumping him full of medications all the time. The doctor finally agreed. So I have to take him to an Audiologist and an ENT doctor all on the same day for testing. They will determine (as the required second opinion) that the surgery is needed. Problem is, I can't get into those appointments until mid-January.

Kaiser has no idea who they are dealing with. I will call every single day until there's an opening I can take to get him in earlier. I've already told the pediatrician that if the ENT doctor denies the surgery, then I will go into Kaiser for every single sniffly nose to have his ears checked so the case has heavy documentation to then get them to do the surgery.

I hate taking medications myself; I am devastated that they require so much. I hate feeling helpless.

Let the games begin.